Creating an estate plan is one of the most important steps you can take to protect your family’s future.  Beyond ensuring your assets are distributed according to your wishes, a well-crafted estate plan can prevent unnecessary conflict among your children.  Without careful planning, even the most loving families can face misunderstandings, resentment, or disputes after you’re gone.  By taking proactive steps, you can set up your estate plan in a way that promotes harmony and minimizes the chances of family disagreements

Talking to Your Children

Conversations with your adult children can go a long way in preventing future conflicts, especially if you plan to distribute inheritances unevenly.  Sometimes, disparities in circumstances—such as age gaps, career choices, or health conditions—make unequal distributions necessary.  For example, perhaps you paid for one child’s education or helped another buy a home, but circumstances didn’t allow for the same support across the board and you would like to leave one child a larger share of your estate to compensate.

By explaining these decisions, you can help manage expectations and reduce the potential for surprises or misunderstandings.  Some parents seek their children’s input before making decisions, while others base their plans solely on what they believe is fair.  Either way, discussing these matters can go a long way toward ensuring your children understand your decisions and reducing the likelihood of conflicts.  The holidays often make a good time for this conversation and people are often surprised by how relieved they feel after having it.

 

In Tennessee You’ll Want To Use a Trust

Like most people, I grew up playing Monopoly with my siblings—in my case, with my overly competitive family of four boys.  One thing I remember is how every game eventually reached a point where we felt like we never wanted to talk to each other again.  And that was with fake money and fake properties.  Now, imagine that same dynamic, but with real houses, real money, and real emotions.  Unfortunately, that’s what probate can feel like for many families.

When someone dies with a will rather than a trust, their estate must go through probate, a court-supervised process for transferring assets.  While necessary, probate creates a perfect setting for family conflict.  It’s public, costly, time-consuming, and offers a forum where disputes can arise, especially when deep-seated emotions may be involved.

Creating a trust instead of relying solely on a will is one of the best ways to avoid putting your family in this position.  A trust bypasses probate entirely, meaning no court involvement is required.  It’s a more private, efficient, and cost-effective process that significantly reduces the likelihood of disagreements among your children.  By using a trust, you can avoid these Monopoly-style sibling rivalries.

 

Choose Your Executor or Trustee Wisely

The person you choose as the executor (often called a “personal representative” in Tennessee) of your will or the trustee of your trust can greatly influence whether your children get along after your passing.  These roles carry authority and responsibility, and careful thought should go into selecting the right person.  When considering candidates, take an honest look at their strengths, weaknesses, and circumstances.  Avoid naming someone who is overly authoritative, inexperienced with finances, or prone to conflict.  The best option is someone who is level-headed, organized, and able to maintain peace.

For example, if one of your children is already managing a growing business and raising multiple kids, they might not have the time or energy to take on these additional responsibilities.  Similarly, if emotions might cloud someone’s judgment, they may not be the best choice.  You can also appoint co-executors or co-trustees to share the responsibilities.  However, it’s important to ensure they can work well together to avoid unnecessary disagreements.

 

In Tennessee You Can Use a HIPAA Waiver

An Advance Directive for Health Care is an essential part of a comprehensive estate plan.  It allows you to document your medical wishes and name a trusted individual—often a spouse or child—to make decisions on your behalf if needed.  However, naming one child as your agent can inadvertently create tension as they’ll have access to your medical information and healthcare providers while their siblings may be left in the dark.  A simple solution is to include a HIPAA waiver in your estate plan.  This document grants equal access to your medical information to all your children, or anyone else who you choose, leveling the playing field and minimizing potential tension.

Your estate plan is more than just a set legal documents, it’s a way to carry on your values and a testament to your love for your family.  By having open communication, choosing the right tools, and making thoughtful decisions, you can help preserve peace and protect your children’s relationships long after you’re gone.  Book a call with me by clicking the link below.